Life without potatoes

The Hungarian press announced yesterday that climate change means no more potatoes by 2055. It is interesting how nature has these self-balancing systems. No potatoes means no chips. No chips means no Macdonalds. When Macdonalds goes bust, having fried the last potato on earth, its a matter of time before the American civilisation collapses. Did I say civilisation? Societal arrangement. Once that’s gone then greenhouse gas emissions plummet and the climate recovers. Foot on the gas, George!

But when I explained this to my colleague he told me that Macdonalds chips aren’t made of potato anyway. It’s some powder with chemicals added for taste. So Macdonalds are immune from the death of the potato. In fact no potatoes is good for business: the fewer potatoes, the more we’ll be dependent on the chemicals churned out by Macdonalds laboratories.

It goes further. Apparently every degree of warming cuts rice yields by 10%. If this really true, then there will be a couple of billion Chinamen stuffing themselves on the Macdonalds chemical recipe before too long.

With a few modifications the techno-chip will propel us to a cuisine of those little spacemen pills which have everything in. Then finally agriculture won’t be necessary anyway. Leaving plenty of room for nice things like concrete.

No need for emission trading. No need for gardening or home cooking. Just sit back and enjoy the sun.

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