What 2007 might bring

January: RWE announces the shutting down of all its coal-fired plants with immediate effect. “Survival has to come first, profit second”. German power prices see record levels.

February: George Bush’s skiing trip is cancelled. No snow in Aspen.

March: UK dumps GDP in favour of National Happiness Score (NHS).

April: A spell of very cold weather in continental Europe. Knitting becomes Germany’s most popular sport.

May: China makes Buddhism the official religion in place of Communhism. Next day two billion trees are planted.

June: California launches “Walk to work” campaign. Take up is initially slow.

July: Two billion more trees planted in China. CO2 levels fall to worryingly low levels in Inner Mongolia. California launches “First you put your left foot forward” campaign.

August: George Bush’s summer holiday to Hawai is postponed. Heavy snow falls make the island inaccessible. California launches “Then you put your right foot forward” campaign.

September: First UK Happiness Budget issued. Excise on alcohol eliminated, massive hikes in fuel taxes. Home brewing becomes England’s most popular sport.

October: Richard Branson converts to Catholicism.

November: US elections brought forward a year, George Bush finally manages to make that holiday.

December: In his Christmas address on “Creation” the Pope declares that flying is a sin.

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