Geo-engineering: Think global – act local.

Former postman, Rod Flange, 53, was arrested yesterday in Telford after a five hour stand-off with armed police. “I was just doing my duty as a citizen,” he shouted to the assembled press as he was dragged away by two Special Branch agents and bundled into a car.

According to the police, Flange was apprehended just in time. “If we had arrived a moment later,” said Superintendent Nigel Swathe, “we might have been too late, with calamitous consequences. The planet and all life upon it may well have been imperilled by the injudicious actions of Mr Flange. He was already positioned for take-off in the cockpit of his rocket, Gaia I, when my officers arrived. They quickly proceeded to douse the flames emerging from the base of said vehicle.”

According to a video posted onto Youtube by Mr Flange, he built his rocket, Gaia I, to save the world. “I am fed up with politicians dilly-dallying on climate change. We citizens must take matters into our own hands. We must take action! Now! Tomorrow is too late!”

Mr Flange had calculated that by shifting the Earth’s orbit some 10 million miles further away from the sun, we can compensate for the effects of global warming. He therefore constructed Gaia I in his garden shed. “All the equipment was readily available over the internet,” he insisted. Explaining why he had visited Iraq and Transdniestr, the breakaway region of Moldova, several times in the last year, he referred to his voluntary work with the international Trades Union movement. It was, he stressed, absolutely nothing to do with procuring specialist rocket parts or jet fuel.

“According to my back of the envelope calculations, by launching Gaia I in the direction of the sun with a force of 23 trillion newtons, I will propel the Earth in the opposite direction some 9,981,206 miles, which should reduce the average surface temperature of the planet by some 1.83 degrees, which should compensate for the effect of greenhouse gases entering the atmosphere.

“I have written several times to the Royal Society requesting them to confirm my calculations, but have received no reply. Therefore I will just have to put my trust in God and hope for the best. After all, it is better to have tried and failed than not to have bothered at all.”

Greg Gloom of the Telford Astrological Society denied allegations that his organisation had helped Flange in his endeavours. “I did send Mr Flange a copy of our recently produced Astrological Chart (sponsored by the Golden Elephant Curry House of Telford) but I don’t think that it is accurate enough to support modern space travel.”

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One Response to Geo-engineering: Think global – act local.

  1. RG says:

    James, it seems your fictional geo-engineer is more than a little misguided. While some other notable megalomaniacal types have proposed geo-engineering to mimic volcano's, Edward Teller –RIP- comes to mind, no one has really taken his school of thought to heart. To imagine that moving the planet is viable is really far out indeed and to dwell on such hypothesis is a harmful distraction.

    The reality is each of us has already engaged in a terrible geo-engineering experiment. Many seem to focus on the impact of our future actions and want to do something to alleviate those future sins. Hey I've got an idea throw away something old and buy something new and screw in another energy efficient light bulb.

    This of course sees us all focusing our attention on the slowing the launch of the second carbon bomb we are all building to geo-engineer our ecosystem and conveniently ignores the first carbon bomb which we have already unleashed. About that first carbon bomb, it's a trillion tonne monster, it's rate of explosion is measured in a couple centuries, and it is seriously lethal to major parts of our ecosystem, especially the oceans. The Global Warming effect is one of its slow trivial effects compared to the ocean effect but hey we live on land and it is all about US isn't it.

    While we watch and debate the slow pace of global warming we don't seem to take note of the reports of vast areas of the world's oceans being reported as being now "the clearest water on earth", read "the deadest water on earth". Let's just screw around with another easy fix light bulb in and go about our lives in an absolved and sinless state. Keep the focus on the very slow generational change of global warming from which humanity can walk, migrate, away from. OR engage not in geo-engineering but rather geo-restoration, reversing our past and ongoing geo-engineering efforts. Treat hemorrhaging wounds the single patient, Mother Earth, NOW… Restore her Seas and Trees!